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[20 Sep 2006|06:19pm] |
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mood |
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 cold |
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music |
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silence |
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FUCK YOU HIGHER EDUCATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i miss my friends:( i'm so busy all the time i can't handle it.. but being busy keeps my from missing everyone and realizing how different everything is now
its breaking my heart.
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| not again. |
[21 Aug 2006|06:47pm] |
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mood |
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numb |
] |
it was fun while it lasted. i will be looking forward to breaks and long weekends again.
this house is lonely... every minute feels like an hour. theres something wrong with me and i can't figure out what it is.. but i wish it would go away or i would go away.. either one is fine.. as long as i can feel something other than this. i need a distraction.
mr. moore asked me to read something i wrote outloud today.... that was pretty cool.
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[30 Jul 2006|10:00am] |
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HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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[14 Feb 2006|03:56pm] |
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mood |
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drained |
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music |
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Blonde Redhead |
] |
Valentines Day? [14 Feb 2005|09:07pm]
[ mood | jealous ]
[ music | REM-everybody hurts. ]
well i'm happy to say that valentines day is coming to an end. its a holiday that i could do without. its for couples.. and if you're one of those happy couples i say congrats-if you're in the same boat as me.. then don't worry my friends... we have next year. happy valentines dayyyy.
i'll be saying the same shit every year. i don't even know why i bother sometimes....i can't seem to find the good in anything and i get annoyed to easily... i'm just going to pull everyone apart until theres nothing left and then i can really start to feel lonely. i like to run around and avoid thinking about anything but the second i have a free moment to myself.. when i'm not doing anything distracting my thoughts creep up on me and i feel like my heart just drops to the floor and everything i've been avoiding for so long starts to choke me and sometimes i just wish my thoughts would finish me off maybe one day i'll choke myself alittle more than the last time and put myself out of my misery..until then i guess
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[05 Feb 2006|08:33pm] |
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mood |
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 shocked |
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music |
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death cab |
] |
its been 90 days.
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[30 Jan 2006|09:24pm] |
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mood |
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crappy |
] |
| [ |
music |
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radiohead |
] |
i finally got a new fucking password so i can update again. but today there is nothing good to say. theres too many things making feel sick i can't really narrow it down to just one. my heads pounding and with any luck ill fall asleep early tonight and wake up late tomorrow.
its happening again.
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[27 Nov 2005|05:08pm] |
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mood |
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 confused |
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music |
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indian summer |
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my happiness comes in stages and i'm sick of it. if i'm not bouncing off the walls i'm gloomy..
i use to really like the holidaysssss but this year they are just making everything worse.
school tomorrow.awesome.
bla. bla. bla. bla. bla.
i don't know why i even bother sometimes-i'm just a fuck up.
</3
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[15 Nov 2005|06:41pm] |
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mood |
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 cynical |
] |
i'd like to trust that things will be okay, and everything will be different but that line never worked. we fall back into the same sad state. i don't know how to fix it or what to think. all i ever do is imagine all the places i should be, how far i could get without looking back. thats all i ever wanted was to just run and never have to look back. but my nightmares will still follow me, to keep me awake at night. i want something to go right for me, to feel happy for just a second. to be free of horrible thoughts, and the reality of it all. running aways not the answer but its all i know. i never thought it would get to this. feeling this way isn't uncommon... i just wish i could erase all my memories to start over and to get rid of all my negative thoughts.
i'm scared.
tuesdays with J always make me over think things.
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[17 Aug 2005|06:36pm] |
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mood |
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depressed |
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music |
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Elliot Smith- 2:45 Am |
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i don't want to do this anymore.. and by this i mean anything. nothings ever right with me, and i can't keep it going. i talk to people that aren't there and its pointless.
if there's an easy out i'm taking it.
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| hello amherst. |
[26 Jun 2005|12:34am] |
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mood |
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 energetic |
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music |
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smile |
] |
today was amazing. seeing everyone together and having a good time is what summers suppose to be about.
soo heres my address for those of you who would like to write me a letter:
Tyler Tornaben c/o
Excel at Amherst COllege
PO BOx 5000
AC#19229
Amherst,MA 01002-5000
if your sending something other than a letter send it to:
Tyler Tornaben c/o
Excel at Amherst College
Summer Programs
6 East Drive, Service Building
Amherst, MA 01002
well i guess thats it, i'm going to miss you all. my cell phone will be with my also so don't hesitate to call. see you all soon and keep having days like today.
<3
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[11 May 2005|07:53pm] |
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mood |
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annoyed |
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music |
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off minor |
] |
feeeling kind of weird..just all around. i'm stressed out and have too many things to think about. i just want to get the fuck out of here. i think everyone could use the summer right now!
i feel asleep today in the middle of the doctors office for the entire hour, and thats pretty funny.
hang in there everyoneeee! this school year will be doneee soon<3
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| wow |
[01 May 2005|11:44am] |
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mood |
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calm |
] |
| [ |
music |
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elton john |
] |
yesterday in general was just all around crazy. i had a ton of fun- first the wedding, then smile practice, then SADD fest, then the real party went down:) to everyone that was there with me i love you-thank you for making my night fucking awesome.
(the few people that i didn't get to see last night i miss you!)
i have this annoying cough!
-still sick but whateeeverrrrrrrr.
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[20 Apr 2005|07:44pm] |
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mood |
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creative |
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music |
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Jaco Pastorius |
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tonight the fortune cookie said: you will be free of heavy burdens that you have been carrying.
awesome. for right now i can't complain.. schools ending soon and theres a lot of things i want to dooooooooooo:)
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| fuck this. |
[31 Mar 2005|05:30pm] |
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mood |
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depressed |
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music |
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Dntel- Anyone Anywhere |
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i'm just in one of those moods. i feel like hell. every part of me hurts, i just want it to go away. i can't take the way i feel and the things that i think about myself, i just cant go through this anymore.. please just go awaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
no one can help me with this.
</3
today sucked
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| thursday.. already. |
[24 Mar 2005|08:25pm] |
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mood |
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 tired |
] |
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music |
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american football |
] |
he told me i was pretty when i cry. today i was a mess; i'm tired and everything hurts. it ended up being okay thaks to some people who helped me out<3 hopefully tomorrow will be easier and eventually it won't feel like this.
</3
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[17 Mar 2005|10:39pm] |
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mood |
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awake |
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music |
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the flamming lips |
] |
SPRING BREAK SPRING BREAK SPRING BREAK SPRING BREAK SPRING BREAK SPRING BREAK!!!!!!!!!!!
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| welll shiit |
[24 Feb 2005|06:07pm] |
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mood |
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restless |
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music |
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picnic,lightning! |
] |
i don't know why i'm just in a funky mood today..
i wish i could remeber what it feels like to realize you like someone for the first time or to stand within three feet of that person and just have a smile glued on you're face becaise right that moment you are exactly who they want to be with.i can't remeber what it feels like to have any kind of emotion but i guess thats my fault.my mind was on overload today, i hate wednesday nights more than anything.i'm holding on to something thats not there but i can't let go nor do i want to. today i hated everyone.i don't think thats healthy but maybe i can find out why next wednesday.
i need the weekend
i need to smile
and thats what i'm going to do.
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[21 Feb 2005|09:35pm] |
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mood |
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dirty |
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music |
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Don Caballero |
] |
this weekend was amaziiinggg. i wish it didn't have to end. i want to be baby calendar.but that won't happen so it's back to work and i have a lot of it. if you were apart of my weekend thank you<3 i needed the laughs and the company of great people. until next weekend everyone.
don't let this school week bring you down.!
fuck yeah.
<33
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| Valentines Day? |
[14 Feb 2005|09:07pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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jealous |
] |
| [ |
music |
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REM-everybody hurts. |
] |
well i'm happy to say that valentines day is coming to an end. its a holiday that i could do without. its for couples.. and if you're one of those happy couples i say congrats-if you're in the same boat as me.. then don't worry my friends... we have next year. happy valentines dayyyy.
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[09 Feb 2005|09:51pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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angry |
] |
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music |
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Kaospilot |
] |
it's just a giant circle we go in. being okay, and have something so little and so meaningless set us off. i for one can't continue on the rollercoaster of emotions that you're sending me on.
you're the child who pushed me to the ground and then spits on my open cut, and the moment i push you down-you're confused by my actions. well i'm tired of babysitting you. things for me will most likely stay the same despite my best efforts. i'm learning to remove myself from situations, to just exist as if i'm not there or a part of it- because well that's all i know how to do anymore.
you've made me cold
and for that i'll never forgive you.
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